Attachment Styles

 

The theory of attachment also known as Attachment Theory was first introduced by British Psychologist John Bowlby. It was later expanded and refined by Mary Ainsworth. 

Basically, attachment theory is focused on relationships and bonds; particularly romantic relationships and parent-child relationships.

This article aims at breaking down the four known attachment styles, how they are formed, and their impact on how we relate to others. 

Secure Attachment Style

Secure attachment style is usually manifest in the ability to form secure loving relationships with others. 

A person with a secure attachment style is able to love and trust others  with relative ease. They are not afraid of intimacy nor do they feel panicked  when their partners need space or time away from them. They can depend on others without becoming totally dependent on them. 

Basically, secure attachment is considered the healthy ideal attachment style for relationships. 

People with secure attachment style are usually a product of parents or caregivers who were sensitive and responsive to their needs in their early childhood. They therefore developed a perception of the world as a secure place where people could be trusted.

Anxious Attachment Style

This attachment style is also known as anxious ambivalent attachment style. 

It is an insecure attachment style marked by a deep fear of abandonment. 

People with anxious attachment style tend to be very insecure about their relationships. Often worrying that their partner will leave them and therefore are always thirsty for re-assurance and validation from their significant others. 

This form of attachment usually manifests as neediness or clingy behaviour in relationships. A good example is someone who gets anxious when their partner doesn't text back fast enough or the constant feeling that their partner doesn't care enough about them. 

Anxious Attachment Style is a product of parents or caregivers who were never present enough to address their child's material, psychological, or emotional needs. The child therefore developed a sense of mistrust towards its caregivers and a perception that the world is inherently untrustworthy. They then carried these feelings and perceptions into adult relationships where they often feel unloved by their partners and at the same time find it difficult to express love and true connection themselves. 

Avoidant Attachment Style 

This is an insecure attachment style marked by fear of intimacy. 

People with this attachment style tend to have difficulties forming closer bonds or trusting others in relationship situations. Because they don’t believe that their relationship needs can be met in a relationship. They may even find relationships suffocating and therefore avoid them altogether preferring to be independent and rely on themselves instead. 

People who inhabit avoidant attachment style are a product of parents or caregivers who were abusive or negligent of their needs during their early childhood stages. 

Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style 

This attachment style is also known as disorganised attachment because of the inconsistency of its basic features. It is usually marked by a rare combination of both anxious and avoidant attachment styles. 

People with this attachment style have a deep need to be loved by others but at the same time are reluctant to develop a close intimate relationship. 

People who exhibit a fearful avoidant attachment style are usually a product of parents or early caregivers who acted both as a source of fear and comfort which in effect triggered confusion and disorientation that they have towards their present adult relationships. In other words parental figures or caregivers must have displayed erratic behaviours that could have been both frightening and traumatising to the individual.